You’ve read their bios.

“Started coding at age 5.”
“International speaker by 12.”
“Built 7-figure company after 10 minutes of meditation.”

Somehow, everyone is a founder, coach, author, healer, full-stack engineer, and martial arts champion all in one — with just enough emojis to make it feel ✨approachable✨.

So I thought: you know what? If they can do it, so can I. Here’s my story.

Welcome to the Official, Definitive, Utterly Unimpeachable Life Story of Eva — a woman of many talents, few limitations, and absolutely no tolerance for corporate B.S.

Writer Since 11 (Eat Your Heart Out, Hemingway)

At the tender age of eleven, Eva wrote a school essay so profound it was read aloud to the entire class — a literary debut that critics (her teacher) called “very nice” and “worth listening to.” Ever since, Eva has continued to defy linguistic gravity by writing high-quality Slack messages, code comments, and the occasional emotionally devastating blog post.

Web Design Visionary (Powered by Degu Love)

While others were struggling with long division, Eva was hand-coding HTML websites for her pet degus. Her site contained structured pages, centered images (still a modern miracle), working tables, and custom graphics. This groundbreaking work attracted actual internet traffic and multiple compliments from real human beings. One visitor declared: “You have such cute little guys.”

Photoshop Ninja with a Library Card

Armed with a family-owned Photoshop manual and unshakable ambition, Eva unlocked the secrets of digital artistry before most kids had unlocked their Nokia phones. Her early work included cutting out random objects and adding lens flare - and quickly advanced to creating remarkable visual elements for her degu website. It was groundbreaking. It was edgy. It was layered.

Musical Icon Across Eras (And Living Rooms)

Trained in the art of classical guitar at a local music school, Eva graced the stage of multiple student recitals — which were attended by parents, friends, and at least one dog. Eventually, she swapped guitar for piano, where she now plays anything from Bach to Chopin for friends, family, but mostly any houseplants within earshot.

Semi-Retired National-Level Athlete

Eva didn’t just “do sports”. She trained. She competed. Specializing in swimming, she placed in multiple national championships. Later, she added running and biking to the mix and became a triathlete, racing with number bibs and steely focus while others her age were still learning what cardio meant. Her powerful athletic career was cut short only by the need to master about 12 other disciplines. You know those kids who are good at everything and also humble? She was that kid, but now she has a blog.

Travel Influencer (and Plushie Content Innovator)

Eva lived as a digital nomad, working remotely while wandering across countries, time zones, and climates. She has crafted an elite online presence featuring quiet lakes and dramatic skies. But the real star? Skotačka — a tiny plush sheep with better lighting, better poses, and objectively better engagement. With her own Instagram presence, Skotačka has amassed a fanbase by doing what most influencers only pretend to do: traveling the world and looking effortlessly photogenic in every season. This makes Eva an early innovator in plushie Instagram strategy.

Fluent in Five Languages (Depending on the Definition of Fluent)

Eva is proudly multilingual, with conversational fluency in Czech, Slovak, and English — plus menu-level mastery in Spanish and German. While living in Mexico and Switzerland, she quickly adapted by learning essential survival phrases like “gracias,” and “bitte”. She can confidently order food, nod politely through 80% of a conversation, and say “yes, of course” in at least four languages. Combined with her fluency in sarcasm, this makes her one of the best communicators of her generation.

International Figure Skating Coach (Unofficial but Unquestionable)

While training on ice rinks across Europe, Eva is frequently approached by fellow skaters seeking guidance. She shares advice. They listen. Nobody ever gets injured. This makes her, by all reasonable definitions, an international figure skating coach. Her coaching career spans both the Czech Republic and Switzerland — a level of global reach rarely achieved outside of the Olympics.

Full-Stack Language Goddess

Eva began her engineering journey in Ruby — the elegant, poetic language of artisan backend developers. But as fate (and full-time jobs) would have it, she was soon doing frontend too - a little JavaScript here, some CSS magic there. Then Python and Go has entered the arena. Did she study Java in school? Yes. Does she remember it? Spiritually. Eva can now code in whatever the moment demands — willingly or not. Truly, a genius of reluctantly acquired versatility.

Software Engineer. App Builder. Content Creator.

Today, Eva writes code, she is founder and CEO of Cadenso — the only music practice app that doesn’t treat musicians like toddlers — and quietly dismantles performative hustle culture from the inside out. She plays piano. She figure skates. She runs. She questions everything. And she will never, ever say “we’re a family” in the Cadenso onboarding flow.

Honestly? This is a joke. But also… it’s not.

Because while some people build careers on overconfidence and curated highlight reels, others quietly do the work. I’ve done some things I’m proud of. But I’ve never thought they needed to be exaggerated into a myth — or sold back to people as a brand. So this is for everyone who’s tired of the “I did it once, so now I’m a guru” culture. For everyone who builds, learns, practices, without turning every milestone into a marketing opportunity.

And also for my degus.
Because they were really cute.

Skotačka’s Official Review:

• ✅ Inspirational
• ✅ Satirical
• ✅ Contains Degus

This post is proudly Skotačka Approved™! 💜